Every fall, the men
of DXC adopt an unofficial team video game. No one ever really plans for this
to happen, but we spend so much time at the XC house trying to entertain
ourselves (usually during the three-week span that was preseason, RIP) that it
becomes inevitable. My freshman year, it was Left for Dead, and last year it
was Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. This year’s game took a little longer to
emerge, but by the end of term, there was no doubt that Mario Kart 64 reigned
supreme among the members of the men’s team.
As athletes, we’re
competitive by nature, so it was only a matter of time before people started
talking trash about who the best player on the team was. Many were vocal about
proclaiming their dominance, but none more so than Mike, who, after honing his
skills during a year spent playing Dylan Summers in their three-room East
Wheelock double, believed himself to be the team’s greatest player. In the end,
Mike didn’t take into account the obsessive nature of Phil and Will’s
personalities (two people who are either naturally good at everything, or who
spend so much time practicing a skill that they force themselves to be good),
but that’s skipping ahead a little bit. Anyway, it was decided that the team
would hold a World Cup-style tournament to determine the ultimate Mario Kart
player, with class bragging rights also on the line.
Here were the rules
Mike came up with:
RULES: 19
people entered, so the best I could do was 5 groups of three, 1 group of
four. If anyone is unable to participate in the near future, the last
member of that group of 4 will join the group that has an absence. Race
all 16 courses, in the order that they are presented in the game (so starting
with Luigi Raceway and finishing at Rainbow Raceway). Points will be
awarded as follows for each race:
1st- 3 points
2nd- 2 points
3rd- 1 point
4th- 0 points
At the end of all the racing for the group, tally points and blitz me with the
amount of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place finishes that each person had. The 6
group winners and the next 2 highest scorers will move to the semifinal round
of 8, where there will be 2 groups of 4. From there, the top 2 in each
group will go to the final four, where it's winner take all. Ties for 1st
place in a preliminary group or for the wild card will be broken by who won
more races, if still tied then who got more seconds. If STILL tied, then
a one-race tiebreaker will be held at an agreed-upon course.
For the
semifinals and finals, we moved to a 4-2-1-0 scoring system in order to
incentivize victories.
The
groups were seeded, with Mike, Adam and Steve drawn together in the Group of
Death. If those races were held today, with a much-improved Steve, the results
may have been different; instead, both Mike and Adam advanced to the semis
(’13s are nasty). Aside from that, all the favorites advanced, with Dave
punishing a pitiful effort from the freshman class by winning all 16 races
against Joey, Matt K. and Taylor. The only class that fared worse than the ’16s
was the ’15s, who only entered two racers, neither of whom made it out of their
group. The ’13s showed impressive depth, sending five of six through to the
semis, while Will and John packed a formidable 1-2 punch for the ’14s. The
upperclassmen-heavy semifinals looked as follows:
Group A
John
Phil
Tim
Jonathan
Group B
Dave
Will
Mike
Adam
Group A
played first, with Phil jumping out to an early lead, notching four firsts and
seven seconds over the first 12 races. With four races to go, both John and
Phil had separated from Tim and me, and even though Phil let up, getting last
in three of the four races, both advanced comfortably to the finals. John led
the way in the group with eight wins, including the last four, while Phil was
second with four wins. Tim and I each won twice (apparently I’m good in cold
weather as my two wins were Frappe Snowland and Sherbert Land). Tim finished
third, while my nine last-place finishes doomed me to last.
Group B
featured many delays, and it was finally decided that I would replace Adam as
the final racer since getting everyone together at the same time was proving to
be impossible. After a semi-respectable showing in Group A (I did win two
races), I was optimistic that I would not be embarrassed, but it was not to be.
As Dave and Will pulled away, I took solace in the fact that Mike, who had been
so cocky on the eve of the tournament, was also going to be eliminated. Though
I hate to see a fellow ’13 do poorly, after observing Will, Dave, John and Phil
in practice, I knew that Mike was way too confident entering the tournament and
that he would have to face the music once he lost (which he did, admirably).
Thus, the
final was set, and just like cross country, there was a team and individual
title on the line. With two ’13s (Phil and Dave) versus two ’14s (John and
Will), it really was a battle for the title of “Best Class Ever” (even though
if we scored five, as we do in XC, the ’13s would probably pull out the win). There
was much excitement on the team prior to the final, and Henry, Matt K. and I
were on hand to take splits, which we stopped after about the third race
because A) it was much harder than it seemed and B) it was completely
pointless.
The field
was bunched in the early going, with three different racers winning the first
three races. As always, Moo Moo Farm turned into an unpredictable battle, with
Will going from first in the previous race to last at Moo Moo. At the midway
point, Will and Dave sat in a tie for first with 16 points, while Phil and John
were tied for third with 12 apiece. Obviously, the team standings were also
tied at that point.
As the races
continued, the stress of competition began to impact the combatants, as Phil
struggled through a run of rotten luck while John almost caused a schism
between Papas Jo(h)n when he blamed my announcing for his
failure to achieve victory. Starting with Mario Circuit, Will won four of five
races to build a commanding lead. Dave, on the other hand, faltered down the
stretch, collecting four lasts and a third in the final five races to drop into
last place. Ultimately, Dave’s mistake-free style was not enough, as the longer
races of the Star and Special Cups revealed his fatal flaw: an inability to
drift. Even though Phil was well out of it by the end, he rebounded to win the
final two races on the strength of his drifting, something that is vital to success
at a course like Rainbow Road. John used a strong second half to finish second,
but he could not catch Will, who, as he did on the cross country course all
season, finished as Dartmouth’s #1 man.
Here are
the official final results, via Coach Sterling.
Just the Facts
|
Will
|
Dave
|
Phil
|
John
|
Luigi Raceway
|
4
|
1
|
0
|
2
|
Moomoo Farm
|
0
|
4
|
1
|
2
|
Koopa Troopa
|
1
|
2
|
4
|
0
|
Kalimari
|
4
|
2
|
1
|
0
|
Toad's Turnpike
|
1
|
4
|
0
|
2
|
Frapper
|
2
|
0
|
4
|
1
|
Choco
|
0
|
1
|
2
|
4
|
Mario
|
4
|
2
|
0
|
1
|
Wario Stadium
|
1
|
2
|
0
|
4
|
Sherbert Land
|
4
|
1
|
0
|
2
|
Royal Raceway
|
4
|
2
|
0
|
1
|
Bowser Castle
|
4
|
0
|
2
|
1
|
DK Jungle
|
2
|
1
|
0
|
4
|
Yoshi Valley
|
1
|
0
|
2
|
4
|
Banshee BW
|
2
|
0
|
4
|
1
|
Rainbow Road
|
2
|
0
|
4
|
1
|
Final
|
36
|
22
|
24
|
30
|
Random thoughts (from
Henry): The ’14s are nasty.
Sadly, it’s hard to
argue with him. All in all, the tournament was a blast, and while it’s unclear
whether the ’13s depth is more impressive than the ’14s firepower up front (I
say it’s about even), we can all agree that the upperclassmen are far superior
to the hapless ’15s and ’16s.
-Jon Gault '13
 |
| Everyone had a hard time avoiding the bananas |
